Jessica's Book Thoughts

I can't put this on Facebook or Twitter and I have grown to trust the opinion of many of you on this site.

A friend (i wll refer to her as Lynn) of mine has been in a relationship with her husband , let's call him Harry, for 17 years, married for 11 of those. Recently she got really wasted (drunk) and kissed a girl in front of everyone, including her husband who was encouraging to do this. Well, now her husband is obsessed with this other girl, i will refer to her Webb He now ignores his Lynn and spends every waking moment with the other girl and her children. I have been best friends it this girl since my first memories of being a child. We grew up next door to each other.

Somethings that will be easier just to list:

-my friend, 33, almost died about two years ago because of a disease she was born with, hirschsprung's disease. She was in the hospital for the more often than not for a time period of a year and a half. He only visited her twice over a period of 2 years were she was in the hospital more often than not. She had multiple surgeries and it was necessary for the doctor to use a lot of IV pain killers. She was addicted to them by the time the doctors were done. He refused to help her get help. She never went to the streets for meds and everytime the doc would prescribe her something, Harry would see dollar signs and sell them. When she would go through DTs, he would laugh at her. She begged him many times to "let" her go to a treatment center and be weaned off gradually. (Yep, she has to ask him) He told her suboxone was for pussies. There was this one time after he sold her  meds I  couldn't see her feel like crap anymore so I took less of my subs and helped her do a quick reduction over a period of 2 weeks. He found out about it and called the DEA on her and had them convinced she was a kingpin drug dealer. 

-Webb is a heroine addict. The worst kind of one. She, at her worst, had no problem with trading her body for drugs, stealing from everyone around her, etc. Harry has no problem driving her all over the earth in search of illegally obtaining meds to stop her from being sick, oh, and he pays for these meds for this girl from his wife's money. He also leaves Webb's three kids for hours on end with Lynn while him and Webb search for Webb's daily fix.

-Lynn can't have kids. When the surgeries were performed, scar tissue became a problem and they had to take her baby making parts. She would have made an excellent mother. Even when we were growing up, she used to always saw, "I want to be a mommy when I grow up." Harry, even before Lynn couldn't have kids, never wanted kids. When my kids were young, he stayed at least ten foot from them until they could at least be somewhat self functioning. His biggest problem with kids was that they were expensive and he is greedy when it comes to money.

-Webb has three kids. Harry has no problem allowing her children to call him dad. He spends hundreds of dollars on these kids. His mother sent him a father's day card this year, 'I am so glad Webb has you. Take care of your family.' I don't understand this. If my son ever does what Harry is doing, I could not find it in me to support his behavior. He takes off work to try to take Webb to rehabs and other appointments she has.

-Lynn sits at home when she is not at work (she is a nurses aid and works 30 hours a week). She is lonely. Last week she was so excited when Harry told her they were going to a water park. Harry knows she works she works on Saturdays and decided to go that day. He took Webb and her kids. In my opinion, he didn't want Lynn there and that's why he chose that day. He is never with his wife and carts Webb around every days all day. Lynn needs work uniforms and Harry takes every bit of his her paychecks and spends it on having fun with another woman.

-Lynn, the mistress, does not work. She receives a monthly check from welfare and receives a ton a foodstamps. I undertake how people end up in these situations. When I first had my daughter, I received $200 dollars a month and received WIC for formula. This woman is perfectly capable of working but chooses to steal from stores rather than work for what she takes. She will go into Walmart with a big purse and come out with $250 worth of merchandise. People who do this just think they are getting free stuff, but in the end the store loss or revenue trinkets down to its paying customers. Back on topic. If this girl cant steal what she wants, harry buys it or her. My friend goes to work in old uniforms while this other girl gets her hair done, buys expensive purses, etc. with the money my friend earns at work.

-Lynn found condoms in Harry's truck. There were 2 out of five left in the box. Lynn and Harry have no need for these anymore.

-There are other things this man does that are down right wrong. Harry and Lynn live with her mother. He refuses to help pay any of the bills. Harry has Lynn so brainwashed that she gives him her entire paycheck, no questions asked. Lynn ' mom is on SS. She get $210 a month in food stamps. Harry takes these from his mom in law. He says he is going grocery shopping for the house, but takes the good with him and feeds himself and his friends instead. First off, Harry works, these foodstamps are intended to feed Lynn's mother only. Harry and Lynn have a combined income of over $55000 a year. Lynn's mom gives them to him because she knows Harry will take it out on her daughter if she doesn't hand them over. I sometimes wonder if Lynn's mom has the mental capacity to make financial decisions for herself. She has always had a very sheltered life and was never given the chance by either her parents (when she was younger), or her husband (when she was older) to make decisions on her own. She has always just done what she was told to do. Now that her husband is dead, she is lost on how things work. On top of all this, he refuses to fork over any of their money for utilities, shampoo, or anything else for the household.

I could keep this going forever. I can't sit here and watch him do this anymore. I keep watching my friend turn into a shell of the person I have grown to love so much. I don't know what to do about this. She is so depressed. I know she knows her husband doesn't love her anymore. Even if he did, in her shoes, there would be no fixing this for me. If I continue to watch her let him abuse her like this my reaction will not be one of my best moments. Everytime I see this other girl, who my friend thought was a good friend at one point, I have a hard time not destroying her face with my fists. I am not going to be able to stop myself much longer. How do I get my friend to realize that she is in an extremely abusive relationship?