I am BACK!! And what has kept me away for so long...

So, my life has been somewhat difficult in the past year, about a year, maybe longer. My father got very sick, needed my care almost all my time when I wasn't at work. My husband took care of the hours while I was working. COOD.


My father in law also got very sick. Also, like my father, COPD. He lived out of state, but we were trying to set him up in an assisted living facility near us that would accept his Medicaid for the medical part of his cost to live there. We had finally secured him a nice studio like apartment in an assisted living only 5 minutes from my home. Sadly, he passed away two days before he was supposed to move up here and into his new place. It was rough unexpected and his move had already taken a chunk out of his finances and ours also. 


Immediately after the cremation it was time for me to buy out my father for the home I live in. We had already put A SUBSTANTIAL amount towards this in land contract and shared ownership. We were seven days from signing when the basement wall came in during a flood in the area. It was labelled a state of disaster in the area. We are not in flood area so it was very unexpected. We reworked the purchase agreement and had just gotten approval for him to go ahead with the repairs prior to.purchase when he too passed away, this was about eight weeks after my father in law's death. Again, there was no money to do a funeral because all of our money and my father's money were wrapped up in the sale of the sale of the home. Intent to proceed payments, title company costs due to issues with the deed and my mother be previously deceased also, and the unexpected repair to property that was never finished due to being unable to finish the payments needed for the work. The reimbursement from them for what had already been paid had to go into his estate and the state of Ohio does not allow funeral expenses to come out of deceased persons account immediately after death, not even soon after death. Not even reimbursement for paying for the costs are able to be done in ant sort of manner. Funeral homes won't do the services without 50% upfront. Rough time.


His death destroyed me emotionally and also made it to where I now have to live in a home that "should be okay" and "will probably not fall in" before the purchase can now be finalized. There are so many variables that from day to day with the house that could make it to where I lose a shit ton of money if the state will not agree to the cost of the newly needed repairs be deducted from the purchase price. There was an issue with the basement that was going to cost about $3600.00 but now it is $24,000.00. It is a mess, a big mess.


It was a lot to digest the fact that I am now, at 36 years of age, the oldest member of my immediate family. My children have not a single grandparent at age 16 and 11. My 17 year old sister is technically a homeless orphan as far as the state is concerned. When my father died, so did any of my ability to take care of her medical needs, her social security checks stopped when he died. She has no guardian. 


About four to five months ago I lost most of my vision in one of my eyes. I was terrified it was macular degeneration. My mother had it. I was devastated. I couldn't read. The one thing I did to escape when I needed a short vacation from reality was gone. Everytime I had an appointment to get my eye looked at my dad would end up in hospital, or he would just be unable to be left alone long enough for me to go. It would be a bad day for him. I did finally get in to get it looked at, thankfully it is a broken brood vessel in the back of my eyeball. A big one. It is taking forever to heal, but slowly I am getting sight back in the eye. I can now see colors through a big blurry spot instead of there just being a big shadowy area. I couldn't see any part of my open hand at anything further than foot away from my face. It sucked.


I did discover, recently, that I love audiobooks. I knew I enjoyed listening to them in the car. Before I would listen to them occasionally, now it is daily. I am adapting. I seriously don't know if I will enjoy reading a physical book like I used to do anymore once I can see again. I might be wrong, but I really love audiobooks. I can get so much done and still enjoy a book. 


Now that things are coming back together I plan on being on here much more often. I hope that most of my friends I used to enjoy chatting with are still active.